Waitin' and Grabblin'

Ah, the delicious dichotomy of sexual mores that is the South.

One can see several billboards around Knoxville promoting abstinence. Yes, and by abstinence, I mean sexual abstinence, not abstinence from deep-fried foods and the flesh of swine roasted over various types of wood. These billboards have been around since I visited here previously in 2005, but they appear to be in good repair. The name of the organization is called Just Wait. Apparently, it is a local organization, for the homepage declares eagerly that:
"We have gone from teaching in 3 counties to 13! We have gone from a staff of 3 to now more than 10! We now see over 25,000 students and have the privelege of sharing the life-changing message of abstinence until marriage."

I had assumed that this was a national organization. One wonders where the funding is coming from. Their graphic design is somewhat effective, I suppose, in a cheery vacation bible school sort of way. The most eye-catching of the billboards is the image on this t-shirt, which at least gave me pause to investigate what was going on further. I'm not so sure about the veracity of their slogan "Safe Sex Isn't", but apparently, you can add sexual education to the list of topics such as politics and religion that aren't to be discussed in polite company but can be trumpeted from billboards.

Now for the grabblin', brought to my bemused attention courtesy of the weekly here in Knoxville, The Metro Pulse. And what is grabblin', you naturally ask? Welp, according to catfishgrabblers.com, it is:
"... the art of fishing with your hands. In the spring of the year the catfish move to shallow water to lay their eggs. Spawning is triggered by the increasing length of the days and the warmer water temperatures. Spawning in the Tennessee River area usually starts about late May."

For further details, I refer you to this page. And why do I bring this up in a discussion that is presumably about the sexual mores of the South? Simply put:

Girls Gone Grabblin'

Yes, it's a take-off on the infamous Girls Gone Wild video series whose highly repetitive commercials afflict those cursed with insomnia and who happen to stumble (or is it thumble with a remote control?) upon one of the many channels that hammer these products ad nauseum and ad infinitum in the wee hours of the morning.

However, Girls Gone Grabblin' simply must be infinitely more charming, for who can resist the following ad copy:
"Believe it or not! We now bring you the first and only Girls Gone Grabblin' DVD ever produced. Be one of the first to watch & be amazed as 35 Southern Women bring you the thrill of catching catfish weighing up to 44lbs. with their hands and wrestling them to the bank."

Folks, I too find it hard to believe that this is the first and only Girls Gone Grabblin' DVD produced. But I predict that in this specialized case, the supply will create the demand, for who can resist the allure of not 10, not 20, but 35 Southern women catching catfish and wrestling them? It would take a stronger and far more virtuous man that I, given my predilection for all things deep-fried and the fact that these are not, I repeat, are not farm raised catfish fed Purina Mills Catfish Chow so they'll taste right once cleaned.

Grabblin'. You couldn't make this stuff up.